My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
