Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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