You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
