so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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