I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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