Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
