things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
