just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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