i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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