I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All I want is dick and wine.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
