Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
