his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
