what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
