She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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