i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
