Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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