Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
What a dumb baby whore.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
