I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
