matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
