At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
