...so i touched it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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