I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
