I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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