i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
