Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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