great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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