Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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