You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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