She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
