Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
