so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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