Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
