just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
MIDGETS
????
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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