i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
