This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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