is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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