I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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