my phone needs a breathalizer
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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