I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
