i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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