it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
