i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
