dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize