thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
