my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
