Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
