I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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