I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
