My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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