did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
