your parents love me but you hate me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
