first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i think i just lost a toe
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
