what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
