I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
