I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
