THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
