Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
