Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
