Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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