I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
