Acid is not a monday night drug
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
