I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
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If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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