Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
