she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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