i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
