I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
