I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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