Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
