either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
