So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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