I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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