have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
