why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
