he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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