I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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